


Black and White

by Palatinedreams



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Developing Relationship, F/M, Goodbyes, Kashyk's POV, Memories, Music, Regrets, a little bit of fluff and romance, complicated feelings, different cultures, missing bits and alternated uptake on the episode, personal sacrifices for the greater good, slight AU to Episode 05/10 Counterpoint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:46:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24164590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Palatinedreams/pseuds/Palatinedreams
Summary: Inspector Kashyk from the Devore stays on board the Voyager as an undercover agent for some time to find the telepaths Captain Janeway and her crew are hiding from him. Kathryn Janeway is different from any other person he's ever met, and Kashyk realizes soon that things will never be the way they used to be before he met her, and that there is more than just black and white out there in the endless vastness of space...
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/Kashyk
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Black and White

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Captain_Lexi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Lexi/gifts).



> For my girl. <3
> 
> I hope that my uptake on your favorite episode ever will cheer you up a little bit, and that I did your admired Captain Janeway justice. This is not an exact re-telling of the episode, and I didn't stick strictly to the dialogues or scenes, it's more adding missing pieces of the episode like they could have happened told from Kashyk's POV. :-)

The small ship departed from the much larger one, and Kashyk's eyes wandered to the screen to take one last look back at the Voyager, the Starfleet ship that was an entire lifetime away from home, a sole and lonely entity within the endless blackness of space.

He was heading back to his own people, while the USS Voyager was continuing on her way to the Alpha Quadrant, and for a few precious moments Kashyk allowed himself to dwell in his memories and regret what he was about to do to the crew of the Starfleet starship and their captain – Kathryn Janeway.

Kashyk had been fascinated by Captain Janeway right from first sight on, and as he now watched the Voyager become smaller and smaller while he moved away from her, he realized that Kathryn was the one – could have been the one – if only things had been different from how they actually were.

It wasn't only her beauty, even though Kathryn was one of the most beautiful women Kashyk had ever laid his eyes upon, a more than pleasing sight for the eye with her noble delicate features and her far too attentive eyes. But the beauty of her looks was nothing compared to her inner beauty and strength that drew him in like a moth to the flame that would burn it in the end.

The Devore Kashyk would never have thought that any human alien from another quadrant of the galaxy could ever be so alike to himself and his race, but he and Kathryn shared so many similarities that he'd felt as if he'd been struck by lightning, a painful truth the Inspector Kashyk didn't want to admit even to himself.

Captain Kathryn Janeway was intelligent and compassionate, the natural born leader for her crew. She'd managed to merge two different crew to a real entity, two once hostile crews that had hated and mistrusted each other so much at the beginning, but she'd done the miracle and united them to a real family, whose family members were willing to do everything for the others, even die if necessary.

Kashyk had spent hours with reading the log entries and learning everything about Voyager and her crew that he would possibly get access to, and he was convinced that no one else would have been able to do what Kathryn Janeway had achieved. It was something the captain shared with him, even though Kashyk's leadership was not based on the devotion his subordinates felt for him like Janeway's crew actually adored her, but on respect, orders and the strict hierarchy the Devore had established over the years.

Kathryn Janeway was also strong, self-confident and determined, she was highly intelligent and stubborn like a Devorish Takyr when she was faced with a problem or mystery she wanted to solve at all costs – like the pattern of the wormhole's appearance for example. Nothing would keep her from searching until she'd found what she wanted to know and explore, nothing except the well-being of her crew, which followed her to hell and back a thousand times when she asked them to come with her.

The biggest similarity between her and him was surely their commitment to their people and their own special principles, and it was sad and funny at the same time that this commitment was also what separated them the most – as Kathryn's Janeway's principles stood in opposition to his own. But he could respect them, and Kashyk hated himself for what he was about to do to Captain Janeway and her crew, but his own commitment to his principles and his beliefs left him no other choice.

Kashyk was the head inspector of the space task force that patrolled the territories of the Devore for several years, and he had never allowed anything to get in between his duties that came with his post, nor to let his occasional doubts about his job and his right to capture and imprison other species just because they had telepathic skills rule his actions. Everything had worked fine until he'd come on board the Voyager for the first time and met the captain of the starship – an encounter that had changed his life in a way he couldn't have anticipated it at all so many weeks ago.

Kathryn Janeway was not only a good superior and leader of her people, she was also an explorer and interested in many things, and there was a romantic side on her that had surprised Kashyk at the beginning, until he'd realized that her caring nature and her sensitivity was what made her ability to commit her crew to the greater goal so strong and special.

Kathryn had quickly become Kashyk's perfect role model for how he imagined those fascinating humans from the planet they called Earth to be, and he'd indulged himself in their music and their history, his wish to learn everything about this race becoming almost an obsession. A race that could compose such music like Kathryn had introduced him to must be worth to be explored further, and Kashyk had been torn between his duties and his loyalty to his own people and his affection for the Voyager crew when his superior, the Minister for Outer Security, had summoned him.

***

“I've read your reports carefully, Inspector Kashyk, especially what you said between the lines. I agree with you that Captain Janeway is hiding something from us, and that she's been deceiving us and betraying our hospitality and willingness to grant her a safe passage through our space by taking telepaths on board. Therefore I want you to go back to Voyager and start a more thorough investigation as an undercover agent. Captain Janeway seems to have taken a liking to you, so it should be easy for you to convince her that you've changed sides and want to help her.”

Kashyk nodded his head without letting his true emotions about this order show on his face, preparing the private ship he was allowed to possess as the head inspector for his departure. He'd set up a plausible background story and returned to the Voyager as the defector Kashyk who'd changed sides, telling Captain Janeway his sweet little story about the telepathic girl with false pathetic sentiment in his voice and on his face and hating himself for how easy it felt to betray her trust like that.

His self-hatred increased with every new day in Kathryn's company, the hours they spent together as they tried to find a pattern in the wormhole and its appearances making him fall more and more for her – and her starship with its different and so fascinating crew. Of course it was her beloved music, the music he'd come to appreciate so much himself, which helped them find the right pattern at last, and Kashyk was both relieved and sad about their achievement, as it meant that they would have to part again soon. Playing his role had become harder with each day that had passed, and sometimes he'd been not so sure any longer whether he was still just playing a role or actually about to become the defector he pretended to be.

“You know that it's the safest way for you if I return to my people and keep the patrols away from your ship, Captain. As much as I wished to come with you, but we both know that it's not possible.”

Another lie, so easily uttered, and the expression in Kathryn's eyes as she looked at him broke Kashyk's heart and made him hate himself even more.

Kathryn Janeway proved her professionalism once more again, simply accepting his decision and nodding her head in resigned understanding.

“I understand, Kashyk,” was all she said, “but we have still a few hours left before you'll have to leave us, and I reserved a holosuite for us – if you'd like to join me there. You were so interested in our culture and our music, and I thought that experiencing it for yourself instead of just reading about it would be something you might appreciate.”

“I would love that, Captain... Kathryn. What is it that you want to show me?”

Janeway just smiled at him and shook her head. “It's meant to be a surprise, just wait and see. Meet me on holodeck One in half an hour.”

Kashyk went back to his quarters to refresh himself, curious when he found some clothes laid out on his bed, black trousers, a white shirt with a tie and a black jacket. The clothes were different from the Starfleet uniforms, but they were clearly clothes people wore on Earth – or had worn in earlier centuries, and Kashyk regarded himself in the mirror in astonishment, trying to keep his heartbeat under control.

The way to the holodeck was short thanks to the turbolift, and Kashyk felt his breath falter when he saw Kathryn Janeway approaching him a couple of minutes later, wearing an elegant long black dress and a necklace made of shimmering pearls.

This was not the controlled Starfleet captain Kashyk had come to admire and respect so much, this was the beautiful woman he'd longed to get to know so much better. Her smile was blinding and genuine when she reached him, her fingers flying over the controls to start the program she wanted him to go through together with her.

“Shall we go in, Kashyk?” she asked, and he took her arm and smiled back at her. “It would be my pleasure, Kathryn.”

The setting of the program was a masterfully copy of one of the famous Russian opera houses on Earth that had attracted thousands of music lovers in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries on her home world, and Kashyk wondered what it would be like to have something like this on Devorus.

Their seats were in the first row of one of the expensive boxes, and Kashyk sat down beside her and looked around, watching the orchestra attuning their musical instruments and the festively dressed holodeck characters take their seats beside them.

“Tchaikovsky did not only compose symphonies, but also several very famous ballets. It's been such a long time since I had the opportunity to watch Swan Lake, and I thought that you might like this one best of all of his ballets.” Kathryn gazed at him, and Kashyk got the impression that she was trying to look straight into his soul and discover the secrets he was hiding there from her so carefully.

The lights of the lusters dimming to a soft dark-golden glow saved him from her thoughtful scrutiny, and Kashyk lost himself in the most beautiful and melancholic music he'd ever listened to quickly. The dancer stepped onto the stage, the prince and the white swan, which reminded him of Kathryn in some strange way he couldn't really explain.

His mesmerized glance glued to the stage and the dancers, he searched for Kathryn's hand to enclose it with his fingers, and she let him hold her hand without objections, her profile when he gazed at her from the side melding with the face of the ballerina dancing the white and the black swan until he couldn't tell who of them was who any longer.

The music filled the opera house and Kashyk's entire being, and when the swan slowly sank down to the ground one last time, he felt like waking up from an endless dream.

He was still holding her hand when the thick red curtain finally closed, and he knew that nothing would ever be the same again.

***

His ship reaching warp speed rose Kashyk from his memories, and he shook them off with long-practiced self-control, willing his features into an expression of professionalism and refusing to think of the passionate kiss he'd shared with Kathryn before his departure. His loyalty belonged to Devorus and his own people, not to Voyager and her crew.

His feelings for the Starfleet captain wouldn't keep him from carrying out his orders and his duties as thoroughly and carefully as he'd always done it, and he wouldn't let them interfere in his job in any way.

He was Inspector Kashyk from the Devore government, and he was doing the right thing, no matter how much his heart was trying to tell him otherwise.

***

“Precautions, I see. So you never really believed me.” Inspector Kashyk stated when he was alone with Captain Janeway to talk to her privately before he would return to his ship with his officers. Officer Prax had wanted to object and insist on taking Kathryn and her ship captive and press charges for their betrayal, but Kashyk had found himself incapable of arresting her. Apart from the Voyager having the stronger weapons that would cause severe damage to the smaller ships of his patrols, it was pointless anyway as Janeway had rather sacrificed two of her shuttlecrafts instead of allowing him to lay his hands on her refugees. The Brenari were long gone, and the memory of that one incredible kiss was still so vivid in his mind and his dreams. Swans were meant to be free and spread their wings, and Kashyk knew that he couldn't take her freedom away from her if he ever wanted to be able to look himself in the eyes in the mirror again.

Their moralities were different from each other, but he had to respect hers and her belief in the rightness of what she'd done. It was actually admirable that she was still holding on to her principles with such confidence and inner strength, her faith in the Prime Directive of her Starfleet being what defined her and which had actually drawn him to her so much in the first place.

Thousands of light years away from home and alone on her flight back to the Alpha Quadrant with nothing more than the hull of her beloved Voyager standing between her and the sometimes pretty scary unknown, Kathryn Janeway was unwavering in her moral standards, and this wouldn't change, even not if Kashyk tried to arrest her.

He glanced at her with a sigh, and she returned his gaze with her chin held up high and dark eyes.

“Trust has to be earned, Inspector, and it takes more than a sweet and pathetic story about a young girl to change my mind about that. Trust is a precious and rather fragile and unsteady thing I cannot base the security of my crew and my ship on, a lesson I've learned the hard way several times, believe me.”

He inclined his head in acknowledgment and defeat, and her features softened a little bit. “Besides, I _was_ willing to trust you, I really did want to trust you. That's why I went to the holodeck with you. The white swan and the black swan, two so different souls in one person – two sides of the same coin – just like trust and cautiousness. I'd hoped that you would understand what I was trying to show you – trying to tell you, Kashyk. Sometimes, there is more behind the obvious than you wish to see. There is always more than just one truth, more than just black and white, you just have to open your eyes and allow yourself to see that.”

Kashyk's lips twitched into a regretful smile. So she had perhaps been willing to trust him with her heart, but definitely not with her crew and her ship. Captain Kathryn Janeway valued her crew and her ship - her commitment to Starfleet and the Prime Directive - more than she valued the integrity of her own heart. That was a lesson he had learned today, that much was sure, and he really had to admire her for her fortitude and her ability to always put the needs of her charges before her own ones.

“Besides,” she continued to speak when he remained silent, “did I ever have your full trust, Inspector Kashyk? I mean – that's the whole point of why you came back to us as an undercover agent, wasn't it? Because you didn't trust us to be true about the telepaths.”

“You deceived us!” He pointed out, “and I was merely doing my job. You of all people must understand that.” She pursed her lips and only shrugged her shoulders.

“I do, Inspector, and so did I. We didn't betray you any more than you did. I am aware that I can't change your mind about this – or the minds of the Devore in general – and it's actually not my right or place to do that and tell you that your laws and your ethic standards are wrong. But you must understand that the Prime Directive is the one thing that connects us with our home so far away, our tether and our guideline that will help us finding our way back to the Alpha Quadrant. It is nothing I will ever give up for my own selfish wishes and feelings.”

“Even if it costs you as much as it already has?”

“Even then, Inspector. You've read our history. We've finally learned from it. We're not warriors any longer, we're explorers, but we'll defend ourselves with all we have if necessary, and I will always fight for my crew. You'll better always remember that if our paths will ever cross again.” She gave him a long look, and he knew that there was nothing left to say.

“The official report will be that we didn't find anything – anyone - on board the Voyager,” he said, amazed how calm and controlled he sounded. “But you'd better leave our territories as fast as possible, Captain.”

“Of course, Inspector... Kashyk. Thank you.”

There was nothing he could do to change her mind, and he knew that. Captain Kathryn Janeway from the Starfleet starship USS Voyager had taught him more than just one lesson, and he knew for sure that he would never forget her or what he'd learned from her, no matter how much time would pass.

They returned to the bridge in silence, and he stood beside Officer Prax to let Voyager beam him back on board his own ship, his eyes never leaving Kathryn's face until the transport beam took a hold on him and everything disappeared in the misty blur it caused.

 _'I'll never forget you, Kathryn. Maybe we'll even see each other again one day,'_ he thought when he materialized on his own bridge, blinking to regain his focus and direct his stinging eyes on the screen in front of him.

The Voyager hovered in the blackness of space right in front of his vessel for a moment, but then her nacelles moved up and started to shine in an intensive blue color, and in the next second, the Starfleet ship was gone in a short burst of blinding white light.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Fanart for 'Black and White'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24903274) by [picturae (Eos_x)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eos_x/pseuds/picturae)




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